Dance music on the big screen has its winners and losers. Though some sit right in the middle, dividing opinion and even leaving yourself asking whether or not those 90 plus minutes were worthwhile. There are some films that are just so incredibly bad, that you can’t keep your eyes off.
Looking through poorly crafted scripting, cringeworthy club scenes or acting on par with Solomun’s dance moves: some movies just make you know how to make you smile. They don’t have to be conventionally good – and they know that.
Here are some that fly that flag loud and proud – and there are also some that are just bad full stop, but we’ll get to them.
Sorry Solomun, your moves give all us dad dancers hope
Kevin & Perry Go Large
A coming-of-age masterpiece for all the pre-millennial Brits out there. Kevin and Perry has its moments… lots of them, in fact.
From a floating turd to parent sex *shudder*, Harry Enfield’s big-screen adaptation of his satirical sketch show about teenage life is one worth watching. And yes, shit jokes are still very, very funny.
Basically, two friends – Kevin and Perry, obviously – embark on a Balearic holiday dream, where they look to fulfil their own superstar DJ tinted dim-witted Ibiza aspirations. For them: it’s about sex, music, clubs. In the end, they kind of achieve all of those things – but not how’d you think. Definitely give it a watch.
The Manchester via Valhalla promotion posse go proper mad fer it in this coming-of-age tale of hedonism and heroism. What makes this stand-out, though, is the acting. It’s actually half-decent for the most part. Skins’ own Jack O’Connell plays a leading jack-the-lad role, along with a few other familiar faces.
The Weekender has everything a bad dance music film should have. Raves, drugs, a weird cockney drug dealer, 90’s anthems, a love story, more drugs and, of course, drugs. If you watched this British rave epic and then didn’t go out and buy an Italia 90 England top with a bucket hat, then you’re either lying or old.
It’s All Gone Pete Tong
Right. This was difficult. Michael Dowse’s dark cult comedy is just brilliant, so it doesn’t really fit the theme. Sorry. Though it is from 2004 – before the world of HD – so that kind of counts? Well, no, not really.
It’s All Gone Pete Tong follows superstar DJ Frankie Wilde as he cultivates his legendary status on Ibiza through that stereotypical superstar DJ lifestyle – until it all goes Pete Tong, of course. The mains protagonists’ years of substance and sound-system abuse eventually catches up to him after he loses his hearing completely.
With his career on a downward spiral, Wilde descends into madness, but the story isn’t finished there. It’s well worth a watch, with some wicked Ibiza shots, too.
Right, disclaimer time: these next films are what you’d consider just plain bad. And that’s it. And yes, they were watched from start to finish, so you don’t have to.
We Are Your Friends
Why do Americans have to ruin everything? Ok. That was unfair and cheap. The U.S. has exported some of the finest artists the world has ever seen. They even invented house, disco, techno, Jeff Mills and Marshmellow… wait – what?
But the only thing We Are Your Friends invents is a new kind of internal bitterness and resentment. You watch this and you kind of want to connect with the characters and the story, which does happen with the latter in parts.
So, let’s start again. Why does Zac Effron have to ruin everything? We Are Your Friends is The Weekender if it was set in 2019 and the Valhalla crew solely promoted their parties through Instagram influencer ties. It’s a cringe induced personification of the American DJ dream on poorly cut ecstasy. Add some over-dramatic Troy Bolton acting and you’re on for a shiny blockbuster of a Hollywood turd. It has got Emily Ratajkowski, though. So definitely worth a watch. Five stars.
- August 2016
An older EDM raver speaks a foretold story about how super festival XOXO ‘used’ to be better back in the day. You’ve probably met him before, in every smoking area and festival urinal spot in the world.
It did bring a smile, though. Maybe a tear or two. But in all fairness, it was watched while clawing onto any last bit of serotonin the brain could muster on a comedown – so don’t judge. Also, Pete Tong did produce some of the soundtrack, so that’s something. Definitely worth a listen… with a blank screen.
The guy who made it has never even been to Ibiza. And you really can tell with superficial characters, predictable scripting and ear-bleeding music choice. I bet he didn’t even watch Kevin and Perry for research. Rookie.
A group of young women make the trip over the pond and onto the White Isle. One of them falls in love with a DJ, I think. Then some other stuff happens, then there’s some romance and a bit of drama, but definitely no comedy. Don’t be fooled by the name and don’t even watch for a laugh, you won’t get one.